Every December I get depressed as fuck. It’s probably common. Money gets tight for a lot of people. Loneliness gets stronger because of the holidays and seeing as I live hours from my family making travel difficult if not impossible, I definitely felt that one this year. The constant barrage of darkness and cold weather is much to take which is odd as I spend a lot of times indoors anyways.
As the new year happens I get a little hope. I create all these things I’m going to do better in the new year and one of those things is usually something over ambitious like “I’M GONNA WRITE A DOPE ASS NOVEL EVERY DAY!!!!!!” so of course I don’t do that and I begin to feel like a piece of shit because I can’t accomplish my goals. “SUCCESSFUL PEOPLE SET GOALS EVERY DAY!!!!!” You’re told all the time. I don’t do that and when I do I don’t achieve that so I am not a successful person, I am instead a smelly fart dong…..I guess. I don’t know, my brain is weird. I then go through issues with that (compounded by being Broke Man. Um, it’s a super hero I just made up on the spot. A…..man with the uncanny ability to not have money…..it’s….not good. Nevermind.) and eventually hit a sweet spot where I feel motivated with goals that aren’t as extreme. It was at that moment a year ago when I started making this blog. Eventually the writing tapered off and then every once in awhile I’d throw out bangers related to urine on toilet handles BECAUSE I KNOW WHAT THE PEOPLE WANT TO READ!!!!! (Also, absolutely no one says “banger” to describe a fucking blog article but I am a goddamned innovator. That’s why I have 103 followers on this shit. TRIPLE DIGITS, BITCHES)
So, I’m at that point in the depressed/anxious Josh cycle (this page is scared dude, not sad dude after all) AND THAT MEANS I AM PUMPED WITH REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOOOOOOO, REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS I STILL PROBABLY WON’T MEET!!!!! But we’re ignoring that part this time! I’m going to write so many fear related posts. It’s gonna rain anxiety related context all over word press. My Facebook feed is gonna get so flooded that the government will neglect funding it for months! FUCK YEAH WRITING.
Sorry, I get carried away. I was like, really depressed about 20 minutes ago but I listened to some NWA and am full of swag and no I’m ready to put my head through a wall from hype!
Um…yeah, so I guess I’m gonna write more on here. Unless I don’t. I dunno.